Nothing Like Motherhood!

This post is a bit late according to the calendar- but enjoying motherhood is really a year round gift. 
So, to start off- Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers! 

I am in the eighth "season" in motherhood- as you know since the arrival of Jewel.  Mother's Day hit at a good time - when my hormones are all still jumbled from giving birth (just exactly how long can I claim that as an excuse?!) 

The day before Mother's Day was one that I balanced on the edge of explosion (see previous post) - once again, hormones!  By the end of the day I was feeling resentful towards many of my children.  I really cannot even tell you what the upset was all about.  The bad thing was that I wasn't feeling like celebrating Mother's Day- partly due to the anger and partly due to my guilt of the anger. 

My husband has a good way of keeping things in perspective though.  When I had texted him with my "AGHHHH!" - he reminded me how precious my life is-  I have one at the age of taking college classes all the way to one who is a complete mama's girl (Jewel has her favorite. . . and it's ME!) 
I needed that reminder on how wonderful life is. 

Isn't it so easy to get caught up in the frustration of life to actually forget to enjoy it? 

Seven of my kids are gone today- in fact, they are gone for the night- at a homeschool camp out with their father.  They were all so excited about going- even The Baby Boy, whom we were not going to let him go, but decided to give it a chance anyway.  The kids were so excited that they were in "grouchy-mode."  You parents know what I mean, right?  Each one thought they would be in charge of the others and well, 7 bosses is not a pleasant thing.  For days the threat of "You're going to lose the camp out!" hung in the air like smog.  Up until the final minutes, when The Jane Austen Wanna Be got into it with The Diva- over something silly. 

I found myself saying-  "I can't wait until you all leave for the camp out- I need some QUIET!" 

Be careful what you wish for- especially when it comes to emptying the house.  After the kids left (surprisingly all 7 were able to go) I floated around with Jewel on clouds.  Actually we just floated upstairs to take a nap.  It was so nice!! 

When I woke up, I was slammed by the silence.  Dead silence.  I laid there with Jewel and tried to remember when it was that I had a house to myself with just a 1 month old.  Well, I won't give you the answer in years, but it has been so long.  So long that I had to remind myself to enjoy it- to stop worrying about my children and just enjoy the gift of silence. 

I hate to admit that I did really contemplate going back to napping : P  Hey, I don't get that pleasure very often!  But, I knew there were chores to be done.  So, with Jewel in wraps, I set off to the laundry room.  The older 3 girls had their laundry started and I figured I'd help them out and keep it going since their weekend was going to be busy.  As I sorted through teen clothes, I pulled out a onesie of Jewels.  I had forgotten I'd thrown that in with their clothes.  As I checked it to see if the stain came out, and laid it down next to The Jane Austen Wanna Be's shirt, it struck me again. . .

(hormones!) 

What a size difference in the ends of my "children sandwich."  How sweet it was - the reminder of how blessed I am with what God has given me.  

Time is an enemy.  The Jane Austen Wanna Be will be a senior next year.  She is already out of the house quite a bit with her college classes and work.  The Bookworm will start driving this summer.  The Clown has grown taller than all my kids now.  The Boy is catching up in height with The One Who Gets Things Free at Garage Sales (BTW- garage sale season is upon us and I think #5's "cute factor" charm is wearing off- she may have to start paying for her purchases at garage sales!)  The Diva is asking to stay up later at night, The Baby Boy bloomed in size- mostly in comparison to Jewel.  My heart is breaking at these time changes.  I MOURN because of them- and yet it was I that couldn't wait to get them out of the house and just have silence! 

Ah motherhood, what complicated treasure! 

I am going to end now- I need to stop, less I end up in tears.  It is also time to turn on the t.v. to so I can hear some noise- at least for a little while.  Then, I am going to gather Jewel up in my arms, climb into bed and treasure the moment.

Surviving myself in motherhood,
Mary

Sunshine and Lollipops. . . NOT!

Yesterday marked the 3rd week since Jewel #8 was born.  There is a record that I broke in that time.  Before having Jewel, the older girls took bets on how long it would be before Mom has "The Day" which is when she locks herself and the baby in her bedroom and declares herself off limits to EVERYONE!  -Mostly due to 1.  lack of sleep effecting Mom, 2.  Mom having it up to here in hearing the kids fight, and 3.  handling, or attempting to handle the disruption of  daily schedule-and either myself or the kids not dealing with that.  The last two births, it didn't take long for me to hit "The Day."    I'd say less than a week.  (Hey- you have to give me that the last 2 births were winter births- cloudy, snowy, yucky days!)  This time, however, I made it to day 21 before blowing up on my kids, heading to my room, locking the door, staying in there for a good long number of hours- where I fully enjoyed the peace and quiet shared only with Jewel and myself.  It was heaven! 
I hate to admit that I couldn't control myself in dealing with The Diva- but she is called the Diva for a reason!  A full day of constant contradictions and sassy come backs lit my fuse.  To be fair, I did "feel"  The Day coming on-  hormones, hormones, hormones! 

I did have the boys' soft knock-knock on the door a couple of times.  To this, I promptly redirected them to one of the their 3 older sisters.  That went well until The Baby Boy tugged at my heartstrings by saying he had a tummy ache and the only way he would feel better was to have me hold him downstairs in the kitchen.  So, I  opened he door and melted at his sad little face.  Downstairs, in the kitchen, he went to sleep in my arms immediately. 

So, I write this post because I want it to be known that I so don't have things down as well as I may appear to.  My kids can help me in my short comings a lot- but they alone (not even their Dad has the full story) know how Mom falls apart now and then. 

There is a small benefit to falling apart sometimes-  it is a wake up call to my kids that Mom can and does explode like a load of dynamite- and look out when she does.  It puts them on high alert to be extra good for at least the next day or two.  That's good!  Really good! 

The downfall of exploding is of course that I feel like poo about how I acted/reacted towards my kids.  I really, really hate that. 

Wouldn't you know that I had just gone to confession last week too!  Oh well, my confessional has a revolving door on it : P

As I looked down on The Baby Boy's sleeping face- I kept thinking about how God must view me when I experience The Day.  Aside from great disappointment, I picuted Him holding me as I myself was holding my son- who risked Mom's wrath to be closer to me.  How often does God take abuse from us, only to lovingly hold us close to his heart when we finally repent?

:Let me answer that for you- often.  Much more often than we deserve. 

Thank you Lord for loving me through my shortfalls.  Thank you for children who love me - despite my shortfalls.  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to seek forgivness when I fail.  Thank you for extending that forgiveness, over and over. 

Tomorrw is a new day.  The Day is now over.  I am loving my job as wife, mother and teacher.  Never- NEVER in a million years would I change it.  I just hope I don't have to spend to much money in psychology bills for my kids due to their up bringing!

Admiting that sometimes I cannot survive myself,
Mary

PS- yes, Jewel still looks like Toby Jones- but she is slowing growing out of it. . . I hope!!!  (see pic.)

She's Here!!

Okay, okay- so I'm really late on adding a new post- but for good reasons!  Jewel #8 was born on Monday April 9th.  She weighed in at 7lb 13oz and 19 inches long.  Mom was thrilled at the weight- I was expecting a 9 pound toddler!  Labor was long (11 hours) but worth every bit of it to see her beautiful face.  It would have been GREAT if the epidural would have lasted to the end of labor, but good things rarely do. . . leaving me to show the Jane Austin Wanna Be what hard labor is really like.  (She wanted to be present at the birth and I consented, knowing that she was interested in nursing - especially neonatal nursing.  Nothing like seeing the one you love go pass a watermelon for the sake of saying "I was there!")  Had to LAUGH though when her comment was "That wasn't that hard."   

What?!? Guess I should of had her stand in where I was! 

So, I am going to keep this post short and end on a weird note. . .

Don't let everyone know, but I believe I've given birth to Toby Jones' clone!  See for yourself-

                                                                                     Sofia

 
                                                                              Toby Jones

                                                          Looks like a "totally looks like" to me! :)

Maybe I should leave you with a better impression- she really is quite cute! -

There we go- much better!

Glad to be "un-pregnant" and working on surviving myself with raging hormones!
Mary

Is it time yet?

I'm sitting here typing and rubbing my very big tummy- and wishing that it was not so big- or more correctly I should say, wishing I was holding a baby in my arms instead of my stomach.

When I was pregnant with #1 through 7, I was always comfortable in saying "I'm not sure that we are done yet."  But with #8, I'm finally experiencing the feeling that I could not fathom myself saying  -"This is it!" 

Okay, I wound never tell God no.  If He said, "Not done yet," I'd accept His will- maybe with a little questioning, but I'd accept it.  I picture in my mind being my mother's age and homeschooling still and I feel sad for the child, because he/she will have an old fogy for a teacher.

Wait a minute, some of my favorite teachers were older.  Hmmm.   No, the older I get, the more I look for "ways out"  in my teaching.  I really spent all my creativity on my older children when they were younger- which they totally don't remember about 3/4 of all my wonderful teaching experiences!  (Like a totally cool homemade planetarium that ROCKED!  Or science WITH experiments- other homeschooling moms- you know what I'm talking about!)  Anyway I can so easily justify just reading about how the experiment should work now, or calling on an older sibling to explain the math problem, because after doing it with 3 kids, my brain hurts to try to explain it again. 

Who knows though- maybe I'll be like Sarah (Old Testament)  who bore a babe in her late age.  Perhaps her laughter was more about "Oh Lord- you want me to change diapers when I'm old enough to have to wear them myself?!?"  Or "Lord, do you have any idea how hard it is to chase after a toddler when I'm leaning on a cane?!" 

Stop- I've always said that having children helps keep you young.  There is truth to that too.  I've still "got my foot in the door" to the teen world, pre-teen world and toddler world.  If  I didn't have kids, I don't know that I would be involved in any of those worlds.  So, I do have youth at my finger tips, you could say. 

I recently put in Google "pregnant and tired" and felt so relieved in what I found there.  Many of my problems were not near as severe and it felt good to have companions in those problems I did face.  Many good laughs came from that search. 

My kids do their own searches on Google that are pregnancy related too- but they usually involve "cute baby pictures" or the like.  They are all excited about the baby coming.  I'm there with them sometimes- but still am trying to gear myself up to the next chore of taking care of a baby- outside of the womb.

The last 3 children I've had, I went through a "I'm locking myself and the baby in the bathroom/bedroom because I am going crazy with everyone fighting over the baby or just plain fighting." time.  I totally expect to have to go though it again this time too.  It's really hard to try to please everyone for the first 2 weeks or so after having a baby!  The bigger the family gets, the more of a challenge it becomes. 

It's time to end this post on a high note. 

I am so very, very thankful for 7 wonderful, healthy children, that although they fight and bicker amongst themselves, do indeed have great redeeming qualities, make me laugh and wouldn't trade one of them for the world. 

And, even though my ageing body is caving under the weight of a baby, I don't have any serious health risks that I'm fighting- just minor inconveniences- Thank you Lord!  (Although, I'm so probably going to have to put in a lot of purgatory time for my lack of suffering in this world.)

And, I do have a bit of creativity left- I'm in the middle of making a "I need something to do" jar for the kids to keep busy with when I'm gone having the baby.  Thanks to Family Fun magazine idea, I'm loading a jar with craft ideas and game ideas to keep them occupied and myself sane- hopefully!

So, I'll sign off this post with-
Surviving my pregnant self-  who knows, maybe my next post I'll be rubbing my un-pregnant, flabby belly. . . UGH~that brings about a whole new set of complaints!!
Mary

Everything I know I learned from homeschooling Mass.

     Not that anyone asked, but I am still alive.  And yes, overdue on a post. The good new is that in waiting this long to post, I can officially say that I am below 30 days in my baby ticker - WHOOT!
      I wished I could say that waiting the extra time allowed me to come up with a genius post that everyone would find incredibly entertaining - so much so that they would beg me to take all of my wisdom and put it in book form.
     Sadly, the only reason I'm late is:
          a) I'm pregnant.
          b) I'm old.
          c) I was actually fighting off an infection that threw me into a two day bed rest.
          d)  I'm old and pregnant - but really number three wins the prize.
     So now that I am recovered, we were able to make it to our bi-monthly homeschooling Mass.  This usually is comprised of ten families, of course all these families have at least six kids average, so we are talking about sixty kids + parents, so about seventy five people. 
     Today however, for various reasons, there was only six families.  So, I slid behind a certain family.  Let's call them "perfect family."  My hope is always to stress to The Boy and The Baby Boy how well behaved their children are. Unfortunately, it usually ends up that my children are the entertainment for those who peak behind their shoulders to gawk at the sideshow, staring my children.  SIDENOTE: The Bookworm wants to let everyone that she and her sisters were not sitting in the pew at this point.  They were in the "quiet choir" that volunteers to sing for Mass, singing songs that are to high to hit for tired homeschooling Moms.  And, since I'm partially deaf, I can't pick up half the words anyways. (By the way, did you know that if you mouth the word "avocado" while everyone else is singing, it totally looks like you know what your doing?!)
     I don't know whether it was because I was still tired from recuperation, or if it was because I am old and pregnant, but it was not a pleasant experience today.  The Baby Boy took a total advantage of my exhaustion and played "keep-a-way" in the pew, pushing me to the point of just ignoring him, after all, why put the effort into that? SIDENOTE: The Baby Boy received his first after-Mass discipline at home today.  There is truth to this "It hurts me more than it hurts you." BUT, now that it has happened, I can easily refer to this to snap him into attention.
     I was so relieved to know that I was not the only family who was having their own struggles during Mass.  But knowing that others were, as I heard about afterwards, got me to thinking about some important lessons that we learn in Mass.
     1)  Patience.  Isn't it true every time you pray for patience, God sends you a three year old?
     2)  Sign Language: This is often included with a snap of the fingers and is highlighted with the pointing with the index finger to the spot beside you.
     3)  Counting.  You'd be amazed how many children can count to five, a skill they have learned from the countdown, repeated over and over by the tired mother.
     4)  How to give "The Look." This is an important life skill, although it seems quiet hilarious when it has been give by a three year old who is imitating mom, and makes you question "Do I really look like that?"
     5)  Playing with small rocks found in your shoe can be entertaining for a three year old.  Especially after following the snap point gesture that tells them they had better sit still.
     6)  Appreciation for priests who give short homilies........God bless them, everyone.
     On that last note, The Jane Austen Wanna-be, the Bookworm, and myself tonight did a Daily Sparks writing exercise to pass the time. (we gave up T.V. for Lent, and this was one alternative we found.) The assignment was to write from the perspective of a substitute teacher, written in first person.  We decided that it would be interesting to write a take-off of our Mass from the point of view of the visiting priest that so graciously said Mass for us today. Enjoy what follows, but remember it is loosely based, and actually, it was much worse than this!
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I just received the news that I am to stand in as the substitute for the group of homeschoolers that meets once a month for religious education.  I do not know a lot about homeschooling, and in my 77 years, I have not had any encounters with this type of student.  If I go according to secular views, I am to expect mumbling wallflowers that are constantly repeating to themselves the Pythagorean theorem or the full 550 numbers of pi in the correct order, or they will be intellectual types with thick nerd glasses, high water pants, pocket calculators and the one with the finger occasional slipping up to his/her nose.    But maybe this group will be different – the usual instructor only has had words of praise for them. 
                Wanting to make a good impression, I set about preparing a lesson that was to include 7 points.  Why 7?  In all cases of doubt, 7 is always a good answer – that, and the letter “c.”  Knowing that age range of these children fell between newborn to seventeen, I figured I had better make the lesson entertaining.  The best way to start off the class was with a joke.  So, after introducing myself, I grinned and said: “Hola, mi llamo es NO Dora!!There’s some Spanish points for you to right down!”  I was greeted with the sound of crickets.  Moving on.  It was then that I noticed that really, most of these kids looked normal.  As far as how they acted, I could already tell the teenagers were a-typical, because they obviously knew how to balance a baby, while chasing after a two year old that was wearing plastic heels.  Since this was a family class, it was easy to distinguish parents – the ones with bags under their eyes, snot on their should and tight lips that were counting “You have three seconds.  One.  Two.”  Seeing them told me that I needed to take this 7-point sermon down to about one point.  Various individual three year olds who found it entertaining to play “skooch bum” down the seats away from their haggard mothers – hence the tight lips and the counting, which was making this room seem like a math class. I gathered my strength and started to condense my points.  Then I looked up and saw that 5 minutes had passed.  I was beginning to question the other instructor’s thoughts on how this was entertaining.  Taking a deep breath, I looked up at the crucifix.  Turning back to the assembled group, I very slowly said, “Remember….Jesus loves you.”  That about summed it up, right?  Just to add an extra 60 seconds to my talk, I asked everyone to repeat the phrase. 
                As I sat back down to ponder my 7 in 1 lesson that I just gave in a total of 12 minutes, I took a second look at the group.  It suddenly hit me that I was not looking at anything typical at all.  Most of these families averaged in the family size of five children or more.  That is certainly not typical for our culture.  Mental note: pro-life.  My second observation was that I noticed that all present were dressed modestly with no shirts proclaiming derogatory messages.  The next observation was that the parents looked worn out, but behind their dark circles, you could see love for their families in their eyes.  I was beginning to see now with a clear vision why this class was different, but not in a bad way.  This time I spent here wasn’t all that bad actually, if I could just get  their three olds to sit long enough to fit in another 6 points, then maybe I will volunteer to do this again. 

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Surviving myself, at least life isn't a 24/7, 365 homeschooling Mass,
Mary

Finding Happiness

I've been reading lately- not that this is new.  In my busy schedule I try to get some reading in here and there.  Usually it is in the final minutes of the day, in my bed, by the light of a flashlight (as to not disturb my sleeping husband) - and it's usually only for mere minutes due to the fact that I'm on zero energy and one foot in my nightly coma.  The latest book I've found interest in is called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I am not necessarily recommending this book- yet.  I haven't finished it.  I can't totally speak for it.  But, I have found it interesting thus far. 

This writer set out to find happiness in where she was in her life- not that she was unhappy, she just wanted to take time to really enjoy the stage of life she was in at the time of her writing.  I found this intriguing, because I'm the type of person who will find myself in a stage of life and wonder when it will end- kids not sleeping through the night stage, kids telling lies stage, kids being picky eaters stage, kids being picky about what they wear stage.  Okay, so my life is revolving around my kids mostly- tends to happen to many homeschooling mothers, I'm sure.  Like Grethen Rubin though, I've often thought, "When I get through this stage, then things will be better- I'll be happier"- etc  And one day I wake up and realize that I have already passed  through the dreaded stage (in fact, I've usually long passed it) and not only did I not find the happiness pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but I am in knee deep in another stage and again, not happy.  Through many of these trips I went from having one child - at 2 years of age to having 8 children- and that 2 year old is going on 17.  Where does time go? 

So, the idea of enjoying happiness in the stage of exactly where I am sounded perfect. 

The book is divided into 12 months, with suggestions that Gretchen found in her research that would bring her happiness.  Yes, HER happiness.  She is very forward in saying that each person's happiness is going to be different and this is HER journey.  Her insight is very interesting though, and I'm enjoying her perspectives. 

Some of the suggestions she has include everything from hugging more to starting a blog.  While I haven't seen any mention of faith in her journey- yet- I have found interest in her knowledge of happiness comes to one if they stop trying to find it in another person (for her, it was her spouse).  She came to the understanding that if you are to find happiness, you have to look at yourself to see why you are not happy. 

This isn't a new idea.  We can't expect others to make us happy.  Such a burden that becomes for that other person.  Hmmmm. . . wasn't I looking at my children to bring me happiness by completing stages?  Yikes!

Of course true happiness is only found in God.  There is that place in us- that "God shaped hole" that only He can fill, no matter how hard we try to fill it with worldly things. 

Once we have that understanding, life will be more joyful- more happy. 

In the meantime, I am having fun finding the humor in the little quirks in life.  Which, by the way, the latest humor in The Clown's life is seeing and laughing at a picture of Mike Myers- I'm not sure why.  It's not even a pictue of him in make-up or costume: 



OKAY- so maybe looking at Mike Myers is a bit uplifting!  I'm at least signing off with a smile. 

Surviving myself with happiness and smiles in tow,
Mary

Sorrow and Stubble

     This past week has held some life lessons- one very hard and one fun. 

The pig stands alone:
   
     Unfortunately, one of our guinea pigs died this last week.  I must say that despite the supposed 4 to 8 years, we hold a constant record of about 1 year.  I'm not exactly sure why this is so- I would categorize our pet care as acceptable- cleaned cage each week, fresh food and water twice a day, regular baths and nail clipping - overall I couldn't complain about how the little pigs live.  Okay, there is an occasional "drop and scamper"- but VERY rare- only once, I promise!  We've learned that pigs cannot fly - no matter how high their tossed.  And, we've witnessed that though not overly fond of dressing up, piggies will tolerate a doll outfit or two.  Again, this is VERY rare treatment.  Mostly our pigs are happy and safe in their cage, whistling and "popcorning" to their heart extent. 

     Our previous pig- Roxanne- was a pet from years ago.  Sadly, one day I went to check that she'd been fed and found her stiff.  There was no explanation for this death.  Our best guess was that she chocked on food. . . at least it sounded good to the kids.

     Our next pig, Mr. Knightly, passed away this last Sunday.  RIP.   When my husband came down to start the coffee before Mass, he noticed a "wheezing" coming from the pig cage.  He came up to inform me of this and after checking on the pig- I knew that he was not long for this world.  Now, personally, I am not a pet person, not really.  But, I hate to have my children experience the death/loss of a pet- especially The Jane Austen Wanna Be and The Cute one who gets everything free at garage sales- they are both tender-hearted.  And, beings that these were the two who took care of the pigs the most, their loss would be harder.  I sent for The Cute one who gets everything free at garage sales to come and be with her pig, explaining that he was going to pass away soon, but she was very blessed to be able to spend his last moments holding him and talking to him.  Though this wasn't a great consolation, I though it would be better to offer this.  I even told her we would go to a later Mass so that she could stay with him. 

     Tears and sobs followed, along with more tears and sobs.  This, of course brought the pregnant, hormone enraged mother to virtual breakdown.  Which brought in The Diva, who promptly joined in, making a three part harmony of cries. 

     Okay, I wasn't really going to miss his THAT much.  I mean, he was just one of the pigs- which meant he was one of the sources to my constant "Have you fed the pigs yet?"  And after the newness wore off- the ritual gather of the pigs from the cage to love on- my involvement was more of a drill sergeant than a loving pet owner.  But, I am a mess when it comes to my kids crying.  Never mind that The Jane Austen Wanna Be had decided that she was having NOTHING to do with the tear fest- she'd remember Mr. Knightly the way he was. 

So viva la Mr. Darcy.  (by the way, these pigs were named after 2 of Jane Austen's famous characters -Mr. Knightley from Emma and Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.  The favorite amongst the girls- both in character and pig- was Mr. Knightly. We probably bragged a bit to much on Mr. Knightley's superior qualities- the character, not the pig- thus bringing the untimely demise of the pig, not the character.)

     Moving past the sorrow- on to the stubble.

     The Baby Boy had his 3rd birthday this last week.  He is growing so fast!  He, out of all my kids, has had a fascination with all things health and beauty-  make-up, lotion, perfume, (hmmm. mostly girl things) and watching daddy shave.  The perfect gift for him thus was the play shaving razor/cream.  I thought this was going to go over well! 

     Who would have thought that the squirting sound of shaving gel coming out of an aerosol can could be so scary?! Needless to say- the shaving gift scored a zero with the Baby Boy. However, the Boy loves it, now along with my various morning greetings from the Boy, "I need a shave."
      An idea just struck The Bookworm and me- her gift was a bearded hat that she made (similar to picture below.) Perhaps if we sneak it onto him during the night, he'll echo The Boy's cries of "I need a shave!" in the morning. Unfortunately a bearded hat is as scary as squirting noises of shaving cream coming out of an aerosol can. It's yet to grace his head.

    

     I love toys that teach life lessons- you know...like the toy vacuum, toy broom, toy lawn mower, etc. Anything that makes play out of life chores is great!
     Did I mention The Baby Boy got a toy chain saw?  Maybe he'll figure out a way to get rid of the pesky cottonwood tree that causes so much allergy problems for us. One can always hope. Unfortunately the talk of chopping down has involved more of things like my chairs, my sofa, my doors. Of course I guess I have to give him leeway on his sawing outside; it is only 20 some degrees lately and Mom is a meanie when it comes to playing in the cold. 

Surviving myself through tears and laughter,
Mary