If I could count how many diapers I've changed in the past 52 weeks, my head would probably spin, but it has been 1 year since Jewel #8 has graced our lives. I spend to much of my life reflecting on how fast it goes by.
I attended a play by our local high school last night with The Jane Austen Wanna Be and The Clown. It was called Our Town. If you have never seen it/read it- it is about the likes of a small town: the normal on goings of day in and day out. Marriages, deaths, life passing by and while it seems so important to each individual, it is nothing new really. I mean that the same things we face: our children growing, getting older, job changes, etc. are the same things that other "normal" people in the past have experienced, and that others in the future will experience also.
Life is a cycle. There are so many phases that seem to last so long when we are in them- the "This baby will not sleep through the night" phase, the "Bobby is learning to drive- and is driving me crazy" phase. The "staying up late into the night and sleeping in teenage phase"- well, you get my point. The thing is is that these times are just phases. Now passing through a major phase with The Jane Austen Wanna Be- for she has finished her 12th year of school and now only awaits final grades to be an official high school graduate- I am struck at how quickly these phases really are.
Funny, I don't remember most of the annoying, younger phases anymore of my oldest. Maybe that is because I am awe struck at who and what she has become, proud at her accomplishments, excited about her future, blessed to be called her mother and her friend. Thus, I know, that one day all the rest of the 7 children will too pass through their phases, and more than likely I will forget many of the frustrations I have in going through the phases with them. They, in turn, will have their own families and their life phases with their own children will begin and I will look at my husband and say "Wasn't it just yesterday when we were concerned about this?"
I don't like getting old. I hate change- good or bad. Once I get used to the change, I'm okay, but I am as stubborn as the day is long reaching that point. Now some would say that it's quite the wonder that I am able to mother 8 children - not wanting change, but I always felt that the latest one was a renewal of the continuation of the phases that I held on to. Or, I like to think of it as "job assurance."
Jewel #8 is working on walking and talking now. The only thing I enjoy more than seeing this is the warm feeling I get in watching her older siblings enjoy it too. No baby in my family ever lacked a cheering squad when it came time to try new feats.
I, like the ancestors of old- from Egypt, Rome, and America, will take part in the cycle of life- the phases that make us human. While there are many variations of themes, there lies a strong, firm on-going pattern that remains. When I am gone, I wonder what my children will remember of me. I hope it will entail singing in the morning, reading together for hours each day, loving to spend time around a game board with my loved ones- laughing and being loud in a joyful way, special time that each child got with me as they grew-preparing them for life to come, and I hope they remember my love for the Catholic Faith.
Certainly they could forget my many shortcomings- short temper, worry times, anger unjustified, selfishness, laziness- well this list could go on and on and on.
It's time to close this down- possibly for awhile. It seems that I'm going through a busy phase and keeping up with a blog has become a chore. Who knows when I'll pop in- just like an unexpected visit from a friend- only better, because you don't have to worry about having a clean house or even feeding me : )
At times, honestly, not surviving myself, but so blessed that God felt my life was worth the effort,
Mary
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