This post is a bit late according to the calendar- but enjoying motherhood is really a year round gift.
So, to start off- Happy Mother's Day to all you mothers!
I am in the eighth "season" in motherhood- as you know since the arrival of Jewel. Mother's Day hit at a good time - when my hormones are all still jumbled from giving birth (just exactly how long can I claim that as an excuse?!)
The day before Mother's Day was one that I balanced on the edge of explosion (see previous post) - once again, hormones! By the end of the day I was feeling resentful towards many of my children. I really cannot even tell you what the upset was all about. The bad thing was that I wasn't feeling like celebrating Mother's Day- partly due to the anger and partly due to my guilt of the anger.
My husband has a good way of keeping things in perspective though. When I had texted him with my "AGHHHH!" - he reminded me how precious my life is- I have one at the age of taking college classes all the way to one who is a complete mama's girl (Jewel has her favorite. . . and it's ME!)
I needed that reminder on how wonderful life is.
Isn't it so easy to get caught up in the frustration of life to actually forget to enjoy it?
Seven of my kids are gone today- in fact, they are gone for the night- at a homeschool camp out with their father. They were all so excited about going- even The Baby Boy, whom we were not going to let him go, but decided to give it a chance anyway. The kids were so excited that they were in "grouchy-mode." You parents know what I mean, right? Each one thought they would be in charge of the others and well, 7 bosses is not a pleasant thing. For days the threat of "You're going to lose the camp out!" hung in the air like smog. Up until the final minutes, when The Jane Austen Wanna Be got into it with The Diva- over something silly.
I found myself saying- "I can't wait until you all leave for the camp out- I need some QUIET!"
Be careful what you wish for- especially when it comes to emptying the house. After the kids left (surprisingly all 7 were able to go) I floated around with Jewel on clouds. Actually we just floated upstairs to take a nap. It was so nice!!
When I woke up, I was slammed by the silence. Dead silence. I laid there with Jewel and tried to remember when it was that I had a house to myself with just a 1 month old. Well, I won't give you the answer in years, but it has been so long. So long that I had to remind myself to enjoy it- to stop worrying about my children and just enjoy the gift of silence.
I hate to admit that I did really contemplate going back to napping : P Hey, I don't get that pleasure very often! But, I knew there were chores to be done. So, with Jewel in wraps, I set off to the laundry room. The older 3 girls had their laundry started and I figured I'd help them out and keep it going since their weekend was going to be busy. As I sorted through teen clothes, I pulled out a onesie of Jewels. I had forgotten I'd thrown that in with their clothes. As I checked it to see if the stain came out, and laid it down next to The Jane Austen Wanna Be's shirt, it struck me again. . .
What a size difference in the ends of my "children sandwich." How sweet it was - the reminder of how blessed I am with what God has given me.
Time is an enemy. The Jane Austen Wanna Be will be a senior next year. She is already out of the house quite a bit with her college classes and work. The Bookworm will start driving this summer. The Clown has grown taller than all my kids now. The Boy is catching up in height with The One Who Gets Things Free at Garage Sales (BTW- garage sale season is upon us and I think #5's "cute factor" charm is wearing off- she may have to start paying for her purchases at garage sales!) The Diva is asking to stay up later at night, The Baby Boy bloomed in size- mostly in comparison to Jewel. My heart is breaking at these time changes. I MOURN because of them- and yet it was I that couldn't wait to get them out of the house and just have silence!
Ah motherhood, what complicated treasure!
I am going to end now- I need to stop, less I end up in tears. It is also time to turn on the t.v. to so I can hear some noise- at least for a little while. Then, I am going to gather Jewel up in my arms, climb into bed and treasure the moment.
Surviving myself in motherhood,